past few weeks the topic has been good person vs goody goody. apparently i'm borderline. i don't mind being a goody goody, cos i guess i sometimes am, but i don't agree of being called a goody goody just because i don't tell my parents to f off tho. it's more because i respect them and i think its just plain rude to say those things to your own parents.

totally had bit more to say but it got deleted accidentally when pressing backspace so it's all gone and i reali can't be bothered typing everything up again. after all, this blog is more for me to vent off. it's been a while.

everyone wants to get what they want. no exception here. what i've always wanted tho is to know who i am, to understand things... to feel some sort of purposefulness to keep me going. hope i don't sound up myself, but i can't help not feeling that i'm much more luckier than kids in africa who are starving and dying. cos u kno, everyone has their own problems and really just because you've got money doesn't mean that you're happy. cliche but true.

i naturally just want to be good. i want everyone to just get along and be equal n whatnot. i honestly do. not because i'm having trouble myself, but it's just sad to see the world falling apart just cos everyone wants to be better than another. ppl can't even stand others who are 'good'.

anyway yeah... life for me hasn't been going anywhere lately. just cos when i thought i've finally found my purpose and i *know* what i want and can finally have them... i got held back.

it sucks.

it's right there for me to grab n yet i'm not happy, because i can't get to them. it doesn't seem like a big deal. it doesn't seem like much, but it's me. it's part of my personality, it's part of my beliefs, it's my life as i've always dreamt of.

it would be different if my right guy, my right career, my right way of thinking is what they wanted... but it's not. and that makes me the bad girl... just for doing the right things but with the wrong options.

so yes. maybe that's why i get reali down at times, cos i don't know where life is taking me. i don't know if i should give it up, but i know that once i do, then i'm less likely to get back to it, because it's been going on for way too long.

wish that i don't have to fight for the things that i love the most. it's exhausting. just understand and support me and let me be me.

- what made you happy this week?
awesome ppl giving me awesome pressies

- what made you sad this week?
uni work :(

- are you contented with your life?
yeeaaah... and no...

- has someone made u happy lately?
nick has been reali nice lately~

- what do you plan to do to him/her?
hahah nothing...

- how are you feeling at the moment?
smeh but yays!

- what/who made you feel that way?
cos i have to do some study tonight getting ready for test n assignments due but also lookin fwd to the happy day morrow!

- are you the type of person who easily gets hurt?
probably hahah im a cry baby

- do you cry?
like i said before.... :p

- have you ever been to a point in your life that you’ve thought about giving up?
HAVE I?!!!

- last movie you watched?
the Perfect Man (on TV), Superman Returns (movies)

- with whom?
myself (TV), Jake (movies)

- last song you heard?
So Yesterday- Hillary Duff... its still playing on repeat! hahah

- last thing you bought?
train ticket!

- last place you went?
church, kitchen...

- last food you ate?
cheese and crackers

- last thing that made you smile?
catching chip watching me playing with the kinder's toy lol

- last thing you heard from your parent(s)?
we made you chai latte

- last thing you said to your parent (s)?
kay

- last thing you said to one of your friends?
u'll be online tonight anyway? talk to u bout it then.

- last thing you read?
some girly manga

- last person you called?
Jake

- last person who called you?
David from Fitness First who wont go away!!!! ><

- last person you msg?
hmmm it was either chip or jake cant remember

- last person who msg you?
Conny, my driving instructor

- last person who gave you a testimonial in friendster?
Arthur

- last person who messaged you in Yahoo Messenger?
ah... ummm... probly Baker

- last person you’re with?
Nick

- last person you kissed goodnight?
my one n only~~~~~~~

- last person you kissed goodbye?
dad

- last person you think of before going to sleep?
Joel cos he's at Ironbark atm

- last thing you’re goin to do before going to sleep?
turn off laptop!

Tag YOU! YEAH THATS RIGHT YOU!

lol so today i said a reali dumb thing. lucky it was just in front of jboy not the whole group. we were eating at jackpot's at central station. he wanted to have honey chicken, cept i didnt reali feel like it. so we had this crispy beef dish, which was lightly battered beef strips with plum sauce or somethin. and i went 'well this beef is kinda like honey chicken cept it's beef and it's plum sauce' n jake stared at me for a while n went 'lol so it's nothing like honey chicken?' hahah... i didnt realise how dumb that sentence was. well it was like honey chicken in that it was battered n just had sauce poured over it so HAH!

today in the studio session we were playing round with xml and css in which we had to replicate this page out of a book. jake didnt get a comp so he just sat beside me looking at what im doing. most of the times he's just doing his own thing. every now n then he changes what ive done cos it was better that way or somethin *shrugs*. my way would've worked finely too. so anyway at the end of the exercise the tute asked who thinks their file is so good that they want to show it to the class. ofcourse mine was awesome! it was pretty much like the page that we were spose to replicate.

then some of jake's friend came over n went 'let's see jake's' n it's like RAH! why does it have to be Jake's thing. *i* was sittin right in front of the comp n did pretty much all of the work. bah. always someone's shadow.

on another topic, EKKA starts today! wo00o0o0o0o0oo! they've taken the animals away from central station. i spose they need it at the ekka lol. can't wait to go! hopefully i'll get to see some shows/parade instead of just looking through the showbags pavilion. hmmmmmmm

Song to listen to while reading this!

todays been a pretty nice peaceful day~ feels good when everything is back to normal again watever that is ah cept my study habits. im so out of it hahah i cant be blamed for it tho with all the craaaaaaaazy stuff happenin.

for some reason talkin to you last night made me feel so calm and peaceful~ it's weird cos i woke up this morning and my happi childhood memories came back to me and all my 'emo'-ness just dissapeared... it's only been like what 7+ years but sooooooooooooooo much has happened. the past few months ive been feeling angry/upset with you. past few months ive just been reflecting on all the bad stuff that has happened throughout my life. i spose everyone has a phase where they just need to think back n let go of all the bad stuff in their lives so they can start fresh again...

i realli wanted to be by myself for a while to reflect these things. kinda like a pause button from the everyday life... living a different life for a while, then resume again. cept course i couldnt just leave for a year or so. n with all the stuff happenin round me at the time it was like overload overload WARNING!

im glad i didnt go through with it couple of months ago... that wouldve been stupid. i wouldve just been giving up without even trying. i was so consumed in my own worries. all the stuff that were in my head didnt even happen. so what was i scared of? i don't reali kno... perhaps just scared of being alone so i just want to push everyone away? scared of screwing everything up cos im unsure bout things most of the time...

things... just kinda resolved themselves the past few weeks n i feel happy... all the fights has brought the family closer... it was weird cos when we werent having any trouble we all just did our own thing. i never reali thought about what my family means to me till just lately... i might not have the freedom that everyone else have but the freedom they give me is enough and i can see that they've made good choices despite the sometimes harsh way they express it.

i might not see my friends often, but they're always there for me... last week they insisted that i'll go out with them for the day and thats when i realized that i'm still part of the group. sapph visits me every now n then. n occasionally i run into old friends at uq... n they all still remembered me n talk to me as if the 2 years that went by didn't happen.

without even noticing sometimes i just take things for granted. either that or i just assume that some bad thing will happen. when there r soooooooooooooo much stuff goin for me. it doesnt matter what marks i get at uni. how many things i can achieve. whether what i do will impress ppl...

i should stop worrying and relax as jake would say to me over n over again. i should stop analysing everything. then maybe ill be less stressful n not go bald hahah...

so much emotional stuff going through my head that everything just came out as ramblings :p but basically i want to say thank you to everyone that has been in my life. cos u've all been there for me and i love you~

to lingles n ivo for being my crazy amigoes n bringing the sun out even when the skys grey

to dan for being my best enemy ever :p

to josh for being my nerdy spiritual sarcastic brother~

to jake for being the most understanding n patience guy ever!!

i love u guys even more than my baby blanket!

SAY NO TO EMO! olololololol *muachs*

how is it that someone that you met just over a year ago understands you better than anyone else whod known you since you were born? this one person has changed your life... has become your world... your everything... has become you... and yet to them he is nobody... doesn't belong in your world...

he sees you the way people should be valued... you are a beautiful being...

fallen in love?

yea...fallen so deep into it...

they might think its just another phase... but its real... i want it to be real... i dont want to be living in a romantic love show... i want to be living in a romantic love life...

what am i going to be without him? where will i be? what will i do?

id just be an empty shell... bitter bout life... id stare out into nothingness... full of hatred ...for taking him away from me...

im scared of the time to come...

im tired of the time that is now...

dont. push. me.

so tis been a while since ive written somethin here. well ive been busy workin on assignments and i just got back from church camp which was heaps better than i thought it would be despite few ppl that weren't there!! *stares* yea thats right you kno who u are!

usually i only stay at camp till sunday morning, but for the first time ever (!!!) i stayed till sunday night so i got to see the talent concert. yayayayay! i was the Mental Case along with Bernard and that was pretty fun. hahahha.most of the stuff were singing so i had to make like funni comments as an ice breaker cos u kno... songs are boring after 10 of them.

spent most of the times playing UNO with people. I also spent like half of Sunday playing Battleship and Scrabble with my new best friend, Joel whos Josher's temporary replacement during camp. hahhah. Josh B. and Joel spent a lot of time tryna take a pic of me, cept somehow i always managed to dodge it. hehehheeh. last night we had a good pic tho, with all of us doing Asian style u kno with the peace fingers n all. hahah. twas a good pic.

also there were other ppl that i dont usually talk to at chuch, few korean guys and some friends of others. One of the korean guy was cute! hahaha. he does magic tricks. we spent most of saturday night doing that. Emma was a silly one... a bit slow... after about 5 times showing the trick Em decided to test it on Nick cept she didnt do it right and everyone just laughs at her.

darn pastor making jokes bout raul n i throughout the camp. bernard wasnt helping as well. hahahha. but yea the whole sermon was like directed at me *shakes fist* im over it now hahahha just smile n nods whenever someone says something. i just hope pastor or his kids or his wife doesnt put any ideas in rauls head. then again pastor was also paying ems out bout fernando. so thats alright. hahhaha.

newhoo thats whats been happenin in my life... till the next boring installment. ciao

--

what we have now
is a romantic movie script
written to give hope
to those who dare to dream...

So yesterday was a pretty relaxing day... i had my 3 hours shift of making sammiches, saw few friends afterwards, went home, watched america's next top model (yay!) then just bummed round all night. hahahah what a productive day! :p

Lately I haven't reali been optimistic with my views on relationship or watever... mainly because lots of ppl are breaking up or not having ne luck finding that someone. Then it makes me think that maybe love just sucks! hahah... yea the first few days are fun n all, then problems. PROBLEMS start comin ur way. n its the suckiest problem u can get, cos its with someone you like/love/think its special in some way. *sigh*

as i was saying to sapph, itd be oh so sweet if we could write our own love story n thatll come true. but u kno, like only special ppl can have the awesome power. i.e. sapph n kitty! hehheheh...

anyway, last night i had a rather odd dream... twas a good sleep though... hahahah... basically i was back in high school again. not in splc, but back home at my old school. it was the first day back and i saw my old teachers, my indo friends, but also some uni friends from here. Jake, however was no where to be seen. As usual, he's late to class :p anywhoo... i was sitting next to Jack (some guy at uni) n i ono we were talkin bout sumthin and as what i usually do with ppl i joke around n pushed his shoulder with mine then his face came close to mine n he kissed me?!! WHAT THE! he also managed to get his chewing gum in my mouth. so that was totally gross and weird!! n in my dream, or just me thinkin in my sleep, i thought 'OH CRAP! THIS IS GONNA BE AWKWARD WHEN JAKE COMES! WHAT DO I SAY?! OH MY!' and so on...

next thing i knew, i was awake n have sent an sms to jake telling him that Jack kissed me... in my dream ofcourse... hahhahha! im such a loser!

but yea that was totally random n weird!

also this morning i had my second driving lesson n almost got put off driving. hahah... so i suck at driving! DUH! thats why i didnt wanna drive in the first place! it was only my second lesson n the guy took me on a busy road n i was nervous n still not confident with my turns and so we almost had an accident so he said. i saw no cars! the guy kinda raised his voice at me to keep my eyes straight n look faaaar faaaaaar away from the front of my car. GAH!

here's something positive: Christian Bautista's Way You Look At Me

tis sooooooo sweeeeeet and i sooooooooooo want the piano sheet. cos tis beautiful~ like my face.  HAHHAHAHA nah, its beautiful like ummm *insert someone beautiful*'s face. *grins*

oki! ima head to uni now. bibuy~

>< I started doing it last night n then something happened n delete everything I've typed out GRAH! so now i gotta do with another set of randomly picked songs again :p

Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song titles that come up to answer each question.
NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?: not superficial
"Hey Leonardo"- Blessid Union of Souls
She don't care about my car
She don't care about my money
And that's real good because I don't got alot to spend
But if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'
She likes me for me...

Will I have a happy life?: hard relationship, but yea ill be fine
"When I'm With You"- Simple Plan
But every time I call
You don't have time
I guess I'll never get to call you mine ...
I'm gonna be fine
As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind

What do people really think of me?: lol... im nothing
"Come To Nothing"- Evermore
My life has come to nothing
My dreams have come to nothing
Our love has come to nothing

Do people secretly lust after me?: well im awesome but some ppl just cant handle it
"Take it or Leave it"- JET
Come on I think you know what you've gotta to do
Yeah! Just take it or leave it yeah

How can I make myself happy? keep thinkin bout the good stuff that has happened
"Styrofoam Plates"- Death Cab for Cutie
i'm thinking of you. i do every year
when we count all our blessings

What should I do with my life? do watever i wanna do
"They"- Jem
And it's ironic too
Coz what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way

Will I ever have children?: hahah apparently im a slut so probably would have kids... accidentally :p
"Who's David"- Busted
You're not worthy of my time
Somebody saw, you sleep around the town
And I've got proof because the word's going around

What is some good advice for me?: start fresh and learn to enjoy life n relax~
"Learning To Breathe"- Switchfoot
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new ...
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

What do I think my current theme song is?: song about how to change my life
"Hanging by A Moment"- Lifehouse
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?: hahha basically something that says im emo
"Paper Cut/Big Pimpin"- JayZ & Linkin Park
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

What song will play at my funeral?: song bout theres always somethin better in life
"Vienna"- Billy Joel
You've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

What type of men/women do you like?: someone who is perfect... almost like an angel from heaven~
"Borrowed Heaven"- The Corrs
I love you don't wanna die, borrowed
You taste like paradise, I know I'm breathing in
Borrowed borrowed heaven ...

What is my day going to be like? rough, but he's gonna come make my day ^^
"The Shake"- Kisschasy
As my eyes adjust to the darkest light form
And as I start to drift away
You're the shake that pulls me back to this day

Why am I here? to find true love
"Why Can't I"- Liz Phair
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

What will people remember me for? my loving relationships~~~
"Time Stands Still"- The All American Rejects
Him and her
Life is turned
The day I knew you would leave
I can barely breath

What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow? dreamy songs
"On A Night Like This"- Mocca

Are there people outside waiting to take me away? wo0o0o0o0 what a perfect song~ just read the lyrics
"More Than Words"- Extreme
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go

What will this year be all about? hmmm leaving someone... (the song said so! not me!!!)
"I Won't Be There"- Simple Plan
I can't stay
Tomorrow I'll be on my way
So don't expect to find me sleeping in my bed
'Cuz when you wake up
I won't be there

so now i tag everyone who's reading this blog! if u dont have a blog n have a DA account or somethin that can be shown in public then u gotta post it on ur journal as well!! *muachs*

everybody wants to be with that pretty girl or handsome boy... everybody wants to be with someone 'beautiful'... watever that means to them.

just cos i dont have a dream to live in a fancy house with lotsa money doesn't mean that im not hardworking or dont' want to be happy.

just cos i have friends that i could talk to doesn't mean i don't need someone that's special to me. even though i know that they love me it's just not the same as having a person of my own.

just cos we're from different world doesn't mean we're gonna lead a chaos relationship. and just cos we share the same views doesn't mean we're not gonna have our downfall.

just cos you want to give me the best, doesn't mean i want it. and just cos what i want doesn't mean a thing to you, doesn't mean it's not important to me.

my life. my choices. it's what i think is best for me.

just cos i didn't pick you, doesn't mean i don't love you.

but please... don't take my one and only away from me...

there's a beautiful and not so side to everyone...

don't stop me from making mistakes. i'll figure things out on my own. and if things happened the way they happened, then don't be upset or hate me.

i'm still the same person. i'm still me ^^

I've been tagged by Sapph! yay! i wanna taaaaaaaaag dan n josh cos they're bout the only 2 other ppl thta i kno that have a blog! hahha... also i ono what the hell meme is?!

SCHOOLS MEME

How many schools did I go to?
TK SD Advent Bendhill. (kindy-3).
SPH Lippo Cikarang. (4-5.5, 9.5)
St Peters Lutheran College. (7-12)

Was I the studious nerd, or the last minute hero?
i was studious~

Was I the class 'taiko' or the teacher's pet?
i ono what taiko is so ima go with teachers pet *grins*

What was the biggest rule I broke in school?
writing my own 'kristy is not well' notes for P.E.

Three subjects I enjoyed:
I use to like Maths... then I liked Biology maybe... but ITS for sure!!

Three teachers that inspired me:
Mr Herring, Mr Milner and.... ummmm....... Miss Jamieson cos she's fun.

SONGS MEME

One song… from your early childhood: 'I Miss You Like Crazy' - The Moffatts

One song… you are associating with your first big love: 'Dilemma'- Kelly Rowland

One song… which reminds you of one of your holidays: 'Island in the Sun'- Weezer... SHOOLIES!!

One song… you like, but you have got problems confessing to: i tell ppl all the songs i like. siff id care what they think hahahha even britney spears old songs i liked!

One song… which accompanied you, while you were lovesick: "All My Life"- KCi & Jo Jo , "Everything"- Michelle Branch and "Complicated"- Avril Lavigne

One song… you listened to most often in your life: "Iris"- Goo Goo Dolls

One song… which is your most favoured instrumental: "Flight of The BumbleBee" - Maxim

One song… which represents one of your most favoured bands: "Everything You Want"- Vertical Horizon

One song… in which you recognize yourself or through which you feel somehow understood: "Unwell"- Matchbox 20

One song… which reminds you to a certain occasion (and the occasion): "We Belong Together"- Mariah Carey cos it cameout when Jboy n i started going out and i heard it in Toys R Us at the gold coast and always remind me of him.

One song… you like and which belongs to the Hip Hop / Rap genre: "The Way I Am"- Eminem

One song… which is the best for you to relax: "Brick"- Ben Folds Five

One song… which symbolizes a great time in your life:  "You Are my suuuuuunshine my only sunnnnnnnshineeeeeeee"

One song… which is your most favourite song at the moment: "You Are So Beautiful"- Alex lloyd

One song… which you would dedicate to your best friend: "Vienna"- Billy Joel

One song… where you have got the feeling that no one besides you likes it: "You Don't Have To Call"- Usher

One song… you like because of its lyrics: "More Than Words"- extreme and "From The Inside"- Linkin Park